Kate Flaxpiece

By Amalasuntha

When Kate saw the goblin, somehow she wasn’t worried about how her gym resistant buddha belly blatantly showed through her new interview suit.  In truth she had bought it under the false promise that she could easily lose a few inches, the trousers weren’t that unflattering and she had always meant to let them out a little, but the unexpected appearance of the goblin put it all in perspective.  She shifted uneasily in the hot plastic chair.  The lack of air conditioning making the dry reptilian smell emanating from the centre member of the panel even more cloyingly prominent.

“Miss Flaxpiece” she forced herself to look it in the face and smile her best.  “Can you tell us what makes you suitable for the post?”

Kate thought for a moment.  How much did she really want this job now she’d seen the employer?  Not that much she decided, so the response should be good, but not that good.  ” I already have project management skills, managerial experience and accounting skills which should all make a valuable addition to your company.  I know that you are family run and I’d like you to know that I respect that, and also uphold old-fashioned family values whilst retaining the professionalism and integrity required for the modern business market.”

The goblin nodded appreciatively whilst the two flunkies furiously scribbled notes, blissfully unaware of what really sat between them.

“Well, that concludes the interview Miss Flaxpiece, if you’ll leave your contact details at reception on the way out, we’ll be sure to give you a call.”  Kate nodded, stood up, hoping that the sweat patch in the small of her back wasn’t showing too badly and already resolved to leaving a wrong number.  Hopefully it would put them off, but knowing goblins it might just encourage them.  She didn’t offer to shake hands on the way out, and left the room.

The coffee shop immediately afterwards gave her chance to gather her thoughts and eat a piece of walnut cake, the size of which alone guaranteed its inclusion into the banned from current diet list.  She had walked from the room steady enough, and hopefully not given anything away, written a wrong number down for the receptionist like a pro, so why was she still feeling on edge? Cake requirement satisfied she stepped into the dull afternoon just as her phone began to ring.  As usual it had tunnelled it’s way to the bottom of her handbag in a futile bid to escape, so she had no time to check the caller display before hitting the ‘accept’ button.


“Miss Flaxpiece?”


“This is Ms Little, I’m calling on behalf of Red Man Investments with the results of your interview”

Ah Crap.  She had precisely no time to wonder exactly how they’d got her correct mobile number before Ms Little continued, tinny in her right ear.

“Miss Flaxpiece, the feedback we have from your interview was very encouraging.  You had the right attitude and experience to make a valuable addition to our team.”

Ah double crap.

“However,” she continued “we find that we cannot offer you the position at this time.  The interview panel members were highly impressed, but the job has been offered and accepted by another candidate.”

Two thoughts chased each other out ‘thank the gods’ followed by ‘poor bugger’

“We would like to wish you good luck for the future, we’ll keep your details on file of course” pause, then “The chairman wanted to convey personally that she thought you were a very talented individual whom she took special interest in, at the Chairman’s request we will be keeping an active note of your future career choices.  We’ll send you an official letter of feedback of course, and would welcome you applying with us again in the future.”

“Thanks for letting me know.” Kate managed.

“Thank you, bye”

Triple crap.

(more about Amalasuntha.)


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